The most unique thing about Moroney’s books is, they talk and educate kids about feelings and how to deal with them - something we parents always have difficulty explaining.    

E wasn’t instantly smitten with the book, just like what I have expected. He likes those conventional loud-coloured and happy-faced animal photos everywhere.  It is probably a little feminine to his liking as well. But after reading it to him several times, he has begun to get the gist of it. The other day, he proudly brought it to his daycare and shared with his friends.

“When I’m Feeling Kind” illustrates the nice things about being kind and explains it in simple, easy-to-comprehend English. Among all, there are pictures of the Bunny helping its Granny with house chores,  comforting a crying friend, sharing stuff and more.

Best of all, being kind isn’t just something we do for others. We can be kind to ourselves too by exercising, eating healthily and sleeping well. The page I love most is the part where the author explains that it is okay to be happy with who we are and not fret too much about what we are not good at. This is illustrated with pictures of a worried Bunny attempting to play a music instrument versus a happy Bunny painting happily.

In addition to “Kind”, Moroney’s “When I’m Feeling…” series cover seven other emotions frequently encountered by kids namely, “Angry”, “Sad”, “Lonely”, “Scared”, “Jealous”, “Lonely” and “Loved”. It is priced at RM14.90 each and is available at all leading bookstores.

P/S: I have been searching high and low for the “Angry” version to no avail. If you do come across a copy, do let me know

In my office, we have a tea lady who is feared by many. Grumpy and unsmiling most of the days, she would usually hide at one corner of the pantry and eagle-eyed the movements of staff who walk in and out. Then, unbeknownst to the person being watched, she would pounce at him/her from behind and give the person a good scolding for shifting the water dispenser, using a cup meant for the ‘management’ team only or stirring a drink with a teaspoon that belongs to the company.

Oh yeah, I was one of the victims. So were some of my colleagues. Just a week old to the company at that time, I tried to fill up my 1.5 litre tumbler with water but because it’s big and tall, I had to move the dispenser just by a little  to get the water in. She immediately appeared from nowhere, pushed the dispenser to its original position and told me “Jangan usik!” (Don’t touch!). Whoaaaa…okay, your territory – your say but there’s definitely a better way to manage it. She then shoved a container to me. Like I would know there’s a container to be used, right?

I brought water from home for a few days after that. These days, I dare not touch anything else in the pantry other than my regular routine of filling up the tumbler with water every morning. Although there’s Milo in the pantry, I rather brought my own for a peace of mind. And every time I wash my tumbler/cup there, I could sense a pair of eyes  stalking me. Spooky!

The aunty probably went on leave already because this morning, it was a different tea lady. Different in many different ways – she’s friendly, always smiling and looks motherly. We were all taken aback when she went from cubicle to cubicle holding freshly brewed coffee and asking, “Mau minum?” (“Care for a drink?”). Again, a very simple but impactful gesture. We (or at least me) felt all warm and important suddenly

The new aunty got me to realise just how a little courtesy can go a long way and cheer up one’s day. She made my Monday morning more bearable than ever…

We are currently seeking and gathering contributions from the public for donations in the form of cash or necessities. For only RM50, you can sponsor one of the children there for their kindergarten or primary school education. We are also looking at cooking oil, Milo, milk powder, diapers and rice.

If you would like to join us in this excursion or contribute in any way, please do not hesitate to contact me here.

Upon seeing us admiring his mango tree, the house owner said “Go ahead and take some. You can have some.”  Although a very simple gesture, I couldn’t help but to appreciate his kindness.

I have known of people who uttered profanities at the stranger who stole  some fruits from their trees.  They cursed and wished the person prolonged bad health and no next generation…all merely because of some mangoes. 

Receiving is good, giving is even the more wonderful.  No doubt the person stole but perhaps he/she was hungry, or couldn’t afford to buy some for his/her hungry family too?  Some empathy and generosity may go a long way.

And there we were, standing outside a stranger’s house and being offered some mangoes.  Enough said.

I usually take a longer route to work every morning, only because the faster alternative – which is also the main road – is always full of selfish drivers cutting queue and refusing to give way or take turns despite your signalling and lifting up a ”please give me a second and thank you” palm gesture.  It’s really like a dog-eat-dog-world situation out there every single morning.  

Dealing with an angry lady driver
Having been deprived of proper rest for almost a week now – no thanks to E’s draggy viral infection turned tonsillitis – I overslept and decided to use the faster route to work this morning.  My brain was not its usual alert self, drifting in and out of sleepiness.  So when I reached a T-junction, overestimated the length of the car in front of me and unintentionally blocked the traffic from the opposite direction, I thought nothing of it as there were no cars.  It was a good few seconds when a car from the opposite direction came to a halt and honked at me.  She then uttered something and lifted up her hand in an angry manner.  I was dumbfounded and didn’t know how to react – it was only a few seconds before the car in front of me could move an inch further  for me to get out of the way.  At the same time, the car behind was too near me for me to reverse.  By then, all passengers in the angry lady car were giving me the dagger stares.  Ouch!

I was upset because firstly, it wasn’t intentional and secondly, there was no need to be abusive when it was only a few seconds of waiting.  But then again, she probably thought I was selfish and undeserving of patience.  It was a combination of  being judgemental and managing expectations.  Haha, I wanted to give them a middle finger in the spur of the moment but I thought, I’m not like that.

Transforming grudge into empathy
In the next 200 metres, as my mind rationalised what just happened, I encountered even more queue jumpers.  There was this lady driver who followed the car in front of her so closely just so that another car who was trying to get into her lane wouldn’t have the chance.  Mind you, she had a toddler in a carseat behind her.  What kind of a good example is she showing to her son?  Never give way regardlessly?  Everyone is stuck in the traffic congestion and giving way to a car wouldn’t bring you to your destination any drastically faster.

Then it struck me! Why not transform the unkindness I received from the angry lady to kindness for all who were stuck in the traffic with me?  The driver behind me must be cursing away as I gave way to every car who needed to get into my lane.  It felt really goooooood!

This morning, I woke up grumpy and all stressed out from another restless night. 
An hour plus later, I walked into the office feeling all rejuvenated…only because of AKDAD

Meals on Wheels by Ti-Ratana Penchala

Determined to make AKDAD a reality, I recently signed up as a volunteer at several charity organisations.  Why not put my knowledge and skills to help people help others?  So when Ti-Ratana called and asked if I could help them blog, I was pleasantly surprised.We visited the Tong Sim Senior Citizens Care Centre last weekend.  While it wasn’t my first time visiting an old folks’ home, this initiative has certainly opened up my eyes in many ways.  What started out as an intention to bring cheers and joy to the lonely residents there ended up helping me spiritually and enlightening my mind about the greatness of compassion, humility and generosity.  

About Tong Sim

Having operated for the last 11 years at Sungai Besi within the grounds of Kwong Tong Cemetery, the Centre was established by chance. Back then, its noble and humble founder – Uncle Cheong Loy – who still runs a funeral parlour below the Centre today, was kind enough to share the vacant space above his shop and provided free accommodation to those from outstation who were seeking treatments in nearby hospitals.  Soon, the place turned into a home for the elderly who were abandoned by their families and relatives, and had nowhere to go.

The Centre currently houses 50 residents comprising 40 men and 10 women.  It receives free medical care from

The hall where the elderly residents live and breathe

hospitals but daily maintenance and necessity expenses come from Uncle Cheong Loy’s pocket besides donations from the public.

A majority of the residents here were admitted to the hospitals by their own children, family or relatives who then went missing or became unreachable when these elderly were well enough to be discharged.  Only one or two elderly at the Centre live there by choice.  Uncle Cheong Loy shared that one of the female inmates was often abused by her husband and was admitted to Tong Sim by her daughter. She has since found peace there and gets visits from her daughter once in a while.

This Uncle prefers to stay put at his corner

A place they called ‘home’
To be awfully honestly, I was rather reluctant to go at first. I didn’t know what to expect and what to say to the elderly folks there.  Plus I’m not good with seeing people live in appalling conditions – more often than not, I would freeze and break down in emotions. But a promise is a promise. Hubby was more than happy to go with me.

The volunteers were a cheerful and humble lot comprising mainly  young adults.  When many of their peers were out in the malls loitering around, these youth dedicated their time to cheering up the old people at Tong Sim.  It’s probably dubbed an “uncool” thing to do but nonetheless, I’m touched with their big hearts.

A volunteer chatting up an elderly

As we walked in, there was a unberable smell of urine stench. Some of the elderly were seen resting, some just sitting up and staring into the blank walls.  The living condition was nowhere near comfortable but to the residents, they are probably grateful for a roof above their heads.  Over 40 beds were placed closely next to each other across the hall, the fans were blasting to keep the heat at bay, and residents of both genders live, eat and change on the same floor.  The immobile ones are given a pail each, placed next to their beds, to contain any bodily discharge – hence the stench.  There were neither curtains to shield them from the strong sun nor separators for individual privacy.  Whether you are healthy, handicapped or bedridden, everyone shares the same air and space. I cannot imagine my parents, in-laws or even myself living in such deplorable condition.  

Getting to know them

The knowledgable Uncle sharing some words of wisdom

Most of us felt a little awkward at first but as one by one approached the elderly, the group loosened up and sat down to chat with them. Some seemed happy with our presence, while the rest continued to rest or preferred to keep to themselves.  I wouldn’t blame them for such behaviour as they may have lost trust for human kind after being abandoned by people whom they trusted most.  

One particular Uncle who looked fit and considerably younger than the rest started whipping out his collection of books to share with the youths.  He certainly looked like he didn’t belong there (who does?!). Hubby had a long chat with an Indian man who complained that the lunch provided was too ‘soft’ to his liking and that we should serve some meat as well.  According to him, he has never been married and was previously a government worker but was fired after missing work often due to his illness.  He has a family in Cheras but chose to live in the Centre for not wanting to burden his aging siblings.

I won’t forget an Uncle who wore a smile throughout our visit there. Despite being speech impaired, he took on the role of caring for his bedridden neighbour.  Seeing that we were serving lunch, he waddled towards the kitchen in small and slow steps to grab a bowl before passing it to me.  He signed ‘food’ and pointed towards his friend, asking me to fetch some lunch for him as well.  His friend may be immobile, but he sure is fortunate to have a caring pal like this Uncle. The bedridden Uncle definitely had a great appetite because he finished one whole orange that I peeled for him.

Another Uncle kept grinning and asking for some pocket money. Although we didn’t understand what he was trying to say after Hubby passed him a small token of angpow, he sure looked very grateful.

Volunteers with golden hearts

Young in age, wise in compassion

Surprisingly, I managed to blend in rather quickly.  Besides talking to the elderly people and serving them lunch, we also replaced new and clean mattresses for them.  A group of teenage boys livened up the atmosphere by going from bed to bed and entertained those who were up for some dancing and Chinese New Year songs.  I watched in amazement when one of the boys – Korean superstar Rain lookalike – leaned forward to hug one of the uncles after that.  I thought, “Whose son is that?  How did they teach him to be so compassionate and caring?”

At another end of the hall, a little girl around six years old was seen feeding one of the elderly who seemed to be basking in the attention. Another man selflessly carried a handicapped aunty from a chair to her bed – there were no qualms, no expectations, just loving kindness. These moments inspired me to raise my boy to be like that one day.

Not to forget, the volunteer photographer Amar whom despite Ti-Ratana being an NGO spearheaded by a religion head,

The down-to-earth Rain lookalike is the guy in yellow shirt

he open-mindedly helped out with capturing beautiful memories from the visit. I admire his focus in making a difference to his community, regardless of race, religion and gender.

Soon all the volunteers gathered at the front of the hall and belted out a series of festive numbers, oldies and popular Mandarin songs.  Some of the elderly joined in and sang along while some stared and clapped away.  My heart broke when an Uncle who came to the Centre six months ago, was seen shedding tears and losing composure upon hearing the familiar melodies.  He must have missed his family terribly.  Up until now, I couldn’t forget the heart-wrenching expression painted on his face.

Don't ask me why I was holding my clutch...

By the end of the visit, my mind forgot about the discomfort and my nose got accustomed to the stench.  Before we left, I said goodbye to one of the old men who was confined to his bed as well.  I told him to take care and he replied in Cantonese, “Can’t hear you”. I replied in Mandarin, “I don’t know how to speak Cantonese, Uncle but take care”. He gave me the biggest, toothless smile ever.

It was my first-time getting really up close and personal with these abandoned elderly but I’m glad to be there to show them that there are still people who care about them.

As we drove home that afternoon, I couldn’t stop pondering, “What has gone so badly or seemed so impossible that their children and relatives resorted to leaving them behind?” I’m still seeking for an answer.

Friend’s boutique
I  am a regular there and have been supporting this ex-colleague’s little business since it started operations.  I dropped by to pass her a wedding gift plus perhaps to get some new clothes for Chinese New Year.  While I didn’t expect to be given the royal treatment, an acknowledgement would be really nice (see, when you have no expectations, you’re FREE).  I was left to browse the clothes and tried them on - all by myself after she took my gift.  When I needed help with mixing and matching, no help came. Boo-hoo!  I left without anything, feeling abandoned

Random shop
The next day, I went into this little shop selling sandals and accessories.  Two young girls were focusing on the computer screen.  One of them stood up and practically looked me at from top to toe.  From the looks of it, she was probably thinking: “Lousy dress, check.  Old sandals, check.  No money look, check.”  I gave her a smile and she stared blankly at me.  I tried on some sandals, she observed every single movement.  When I walked out, there wasn’t any “Thank you” or even a “Please don’t come again”.  Then when I turned back to look at them, they were talking with their eyes trailing me.  I felt really judged.  Pffttt!

Both incidents made me quite upset (and maybe it’s the hormones again) but AKDAD came into mind and I decided to channel the energy into positive thinking, rationalising that:

1. My friend could be stressed out about her upcoming wedding and the fact that her mother-in-law was at the boutique at that time.  Plus, she probably expected me to make myself at home and self-entertain, having been quite close with me (though I seriously needed her expertise in coordinating the apparels – that’s why ideally, you should bring another friend along when clothes shopping).  It was probably just being at the wrong place at the wrong time.  And I should really stop pulling her legs everytime I see her – some people can take it, others can’t. Ya?
2. The girl in the little shop was probably shy like the younger me; or maybe she’s new in the working world.  She probably didn’t know how to react when I smiled at her, or maybe I just looked unapproachable.  Maybe the shop practises ‘no bugging the customers’ policy.  Better still, maybe she wasn’t given the opportunity to expand her knowledge and study “Customer service at its best” or was probably scared off by the macho scar on my arm. Grrr!

With that, I’m leaving behind the negative energy and channelling my AKDAD to these ladies.

Now I remember why we cut down on dining at food courts and non air-conditioned venues since E came along.  I have no qualms about expressing a disgusted look and leaving the place immediately whenever our meals are interrupted by smokers.  Locals, tourists and foreigners alike whip out cigarettes and start puffing away everywhere and anywhere they want, whether they’re indoors, outdoors or no doors.  This is a totally common scene in Malaysia. 

I heard it’s even worse in other countries like Japan and Korea. And can you believe one of the reasons the London-branded dance club – Ministry of Sound: Euphoria – closed down because it enforced a non-smoking policy in the club?  I think it’s great to be able to chill out, dance and enjoy ‘live’ music without leaving the place and smelling like as if you have just smoked 100 cigarettes in one night BUT no, Malaysians want it dirty and unhealthy.

So when my family and I went for a swim at a resort club house recently, I was surprised to see this smoker practising a civic-minded act.  This man was enjoying a drink with his friends at a table located near the kids’ pool.  Despite being in the wide outdoors, I thought it was very kind of him to distant himself and walked to a tree far enough from the children to smoke.  This gesture meant sacrificing some time to walk and chat with his friends.  It’s thoughtful of him not to drag others into his unhealthy habit.  Now, that’s a rare scene in Malaysia.

So if you’re a smoker or have smokers in your family, would you be kind enough to tell them not to puff in enclosed areas or around kids/other people?  Better still, help them quit!

P/S: I wished I could snap a photo of this man to honour his kind gesture but we were dipped in the water.  Shall try harder next time.!

1. Be kind and alert to the needs of my husband, furkid, family and friends.

2. Be kind to my son, allow him to grow without expectations as well as teach compassion and empathy by being a role model myself.

3. Be kind and grateful to my boss, colleagues and company for giving me an opportunity to grow, learn and improve in my area of expertise.

4. Be kind and useful to the community by volunteering my services and participating in charitable activities.  I have recently signed up as a volunteer in one of the non-profit organisations and am very glad to receive a call from them just now.  Updates on the initiatives will be posted here as soon as they’re available.

5. Be kind to Mother Earth by continuing to reduce, reuse and recycle.

Giving incoming kindness

6. Be kind to my body through a diligent fitness routine.  After a 2.5-year hiatus from the fitness scene, I have recently commenced my first Iyengar yoga class.  We will also be going for swimming sessions as a weekly activity for the family.

7. Be kind to my health by increasing my consumption on fruits and vegetables.  It’s a must in every meal, and should occupy 50% of the overall serving.

8. Be kind to my spiritual well-being by attending more self-development workshops on developing inner peace.

When a friendship wears you out, provokes your mind to question her unpleasant behaviour again and again, and makes you feel like a joke, it’s time to reanalyse the situation.  In this case, after months of giving her the benefit of doubt repeatedly, I could finally tell myself “Enough is enough”.

Some people have warned me about her, but I usually don’t like to make judgements until I have witnessed it myself.  And I have.  It’s not a very pleasant picture, so let’s not even begin to paint it into perspective here.  In a nutshell, this person lives in her own small world, where everything is about her, her and nothing else but her.  She does not show a single care or respect about what others feel and think.  Maintaining a friendship with her became emotionally draining after a while. 

I crave and thrive on simplicity, and she’s just not making it any easier.  Thus I’m making a quiet exit from the dramas…

Sorry dear, I have nothing more for you.  Now, please excuse me as I focus on something more worthwhile.